This morning (6/6/2020), I woke up feeling weird. I remembered that I just attended my father’s funeral. What even weirder was that the funeral was held in South Korea. I tried to remember my strange dream as much as I could so that I can take note for every single details of my premonition.
First of all, I did not know exactly how it all started. Suddenly, I was called by someone saying that my father has died. The person who called me was saying that I had to go to South Korea to organize and attend the burial. I could not recognize anyone who attended the funeral. But one thing that I noticed was I fell into tears as soon as I saw my father’s body. I didn’t know what happened but everything went too fast. It was just like a flash back to my mom’s funeral. But the biggest difference was this time I lost both of my parents.
However, strange enough, during the funeral, I could recognize that my mom was attending my father’s funeral as if my mom was still alive. She comforted me to ease my tears and acted strong. She put her hand on my shoulder and patted my back telling me that I would be okay. She said that she would be there for me after my father passed away.
I do not know what is going to happen in the future. But if this is a signal that my mom has given me, I had to prepare for it. To be honest, I am not ready to see my mom passed away. More so, I am not ready to see both of my parents passed away in a very short period of time. I could argued that I have not made them happy in their life time. I have not been able to make them proud of me. Their life was still suffering. I have no idea how this all ends. But for sure this is a warning sign / a red flag raised by my mom, telling me that the end is near. I have to be ready. I have to care of my father even more.
Unfortunately, yesterday (5/6/2020), I had a fight with my father on the phone. We argued about what kind of long term investment that I could do amid COVID-19 pandemic. The goal of our discussion was the same. How to make use of the extra money in order to gain the best return of investment with minimum risk. However, we had a disagreement over a little things, especially about what to invest and when to invest. Long story short, we did not reach any conclusion. It was hours of endless arguments and fights. It was not a useful talk as we normally had. I was really angry. Why my father never listens to what I want and why I want it. When I say “Yes”, my father will absolutely say “No” and vice versa. It is so much different with my mom who always listened to what I said and encouraged me to try something new fearlessly.
I am not surprised with the way things are since I was not really close with my father. I always communicated my feeling, my thought, and my plans to my mom. I seldom included my father on any discussion, because I knew that he would not agree with me. We both had totally different perspective in life. That’s why I was so reluctant to express my feeling and share my thought with him. However, after my mom passed away, I had no choice except discussing with him to get some useful feedback.
I have no idea what I am going to do in life. One thing I know for sure, is that currently my father is the only person I have in this world after my mom passed away. I had nobody else who supported me genuinely. I trusted him that he has given me the best advice. But It goes back to me now. I have to take the decision by myself and be responsible to it. No more blaming game. No more small talk. I need to get real to the fact and move forward. Life is very short. My father is not going to be there for me every step of the way. I have to be stronger starting from now on. I have to be someone that my mom always wanted me to become. A strong, optimistic, and warm-hearted individual that will live up to the fullest and never be afraid to stand up for others who are in needs. Amen.
Thank you mom to bring this strange dream to me last night. I truly appreciate your love, your thought, and your strength that have given me a role model for continuing my life. It is time to move forward and no more looking back to the past. It is not the time to have a pity party anymore. Enough is enough. It is time to shine.